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As I return to All Saints I can report that I have had a renewed experience of life. For one to have a renewed experience, one must first come to realize the end of a previous life. There is no resurrection without first enduring a crucifixion, no Easter without Good Friday.
I left on Epiphany and am returning this Sunday of Pentecost. My epiphany was that I needed to step out of my role as Rector long enough that I might hope to once again find that inspiration that originally led me into ordained ministry. My return on The Feast Day of Pentecost bespeaks the new spirit that has been breathed into me.
In my time in Paris and India, I was able to step out of learned and patterned behaviors long enough to see how I had become identified with unproductive ways of thinking that were inhibiting my life and ministry. Apprehension had replaced joy and obligation had replaced freedom. In short I realized that despite lots good things, I was running on memories of joy more than the experience of joy.
One day I found myself in the Picasso Museum in Le Marais, not far from my apartment. Somewhere there I heard or read that Picasso said, “I don’t seek, I find.” Of course this was full of hubris and maybe other things. But it led me to consider that for a long time we have been encouraging seekers and the joy of seeking etc. What I was interested in at this point in my life was not only seeking but finding.
While I was away, I gradually came to once again know and feel that God is good indeed, once you allow yourself to let go of yourself. Words from scripture and our liturgy came to life with new force and meaning. So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! I may have died in Christ but now was being made alive in Christ. While I was still far off and dead in my trespasses, God came and sought me. I count all that is past as loss for the surpassing worth of Christ. Though this body might suffer decay, my inner life was being made more and more alive. Again and again I would say to myself, “Aha, that’s what it means.”
The high point for me was Easter Day. On Saturday night I went to the Vigil at the American Cathedral in Paris. It was basically the same as our liturgy here, except we sing better and their pipe organ is more dramatic. The sermon was fine and I thought “OK, that’s nice.” But the next morning I went to St. Gervais-et-St. Protais, (indications are that there has been a church there since the 4th century). It was there that I stood with some four thousand worshippers, (many of them kneeling while others still were lying prostrate before the altar) in a scene that I can only describe as a glimpse of heaven on earth. As incense rose, nuns and brothers made sure everyone was personally greeted with the peace of Christ. Then at least six priests sang and concelebrated the mass in unison. If I had never heard of Christianity or the Church I would have still known we were witnessing the sacred being made manifest in this world and I was seeing it with my own eyes. My friend said to me afterwards that I looked radiant. And indeed I felt the power of the resurrection in every fiber of my being. I poetically mused about Moses radiantly descending Mt. Sinai and Jesus walking down the Mount of Transfiguration as I crossed the Seine.
There is much more to report and share. We have a lot of catching up to do. I come to you feeling renewed. I look forward to hearing your stories and sharing our life journeys with each other. I pray that my experience will be the start of a new ministry here and that we will together experience a new spirit of God’s joy and compassion. I pray that we will follow Jesus in loving one another as he loves us and that love will be our gospel to share with the community at large.
I am happy to be back. Back here at All Saints and back to that place where faith, hope and love abide. I look forward to seeing you this Pentecost Sunday and in the weeks and months to come as we find renewal together.
I left on Epiphany and am returning this Sunday of Pentecost. My epiphany was that I needed to step out of my role as Rector long enough that I might hope to once again find that inspiration that originally led me into ordained ministry. My return on The Feast Day of Pentecost bespeaks the new spirit that has been breathed into me.
In my time in Paris and India, I was able to step out of learned and patterned behaviors long enough to see how I had become identified with unproductive ways of thinking that were inhibiting my life and ministry. Apprehension had replaced joy and obligation had replaced freedom. In short I realized that despite lots good things, I was running on memories of joy more than the experience of joy.
One day I found myself in the Picasso Museum in Le Marais, not far from my apartment. Somewhere there I heard or read that Picasso said, “I don’t seek, I find.” Of course this was full of hubris and maybe other things. But it led me to consider that for a long time we have been encouraging seekers and the joy of seeking etc. What I was interested in at this point in my life was not only seeking but finding.
While I was away, I gradually came to once again know and feel that God is good indeed, once you allow yourself to let go of yourself. Words from scripture and our liturgy came to life with new force and meaning. So if anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation: everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new! I may have died in Christ but now was being made alive in Christ. While I was still far off and dead in my trespasses, God came and sought me. I count all that is past as loss for the surpassing worth of Christ. Though this body might suffer decay, my inner life was being made more and more alive. Again and again I would say to myself, “Aha, that’s what it means.”
The high point for me was Easter Day. On Saturday night I went to the Vigil at the American Cathedral in Paris. It was basically the same as our liturgy here, except we sing better and their pipe organ is more dramatic. The sermon was fine and I thought “OK, that’s nice.” But the next morning I went to St. Gervais-et-St. Protais, (indications are that there has been a church there since the 4th century). It was there that I stood with some four thousand worshippers, (many of them kneeling while others still were lying prostrate before the altar) in a scene that I can only describe as a glimpse of heaven on earth. As incense rose, nuns and brothers made sure everyone was personally greeted with the peace of Christ. Then at least six priests sang and concelebrated the mass in unison. If I had never heard of Christianity or the Church I would have still known we were witnessing the sacred being made manifest in this world and I was seeing it with my own eyes. My friend said to me afterwards that I looked radiant. And indeed I felt the power of the resurrection in every fiber of my being. I poetically mused about Moses radiantly descending Mt. Sinai and Jesus walking down the Mount of Transfiguration as I crossed the Seine.
There is much more to report and share. We have a lot of catching up to do. I come to you feeling renewed. I look forward to hearing your stories and sharing our life journeys with each other. I pray that my experience will be the start of a new ministry here and that we will together experience a new spirit of God’s joy and compassion. I pray that we will follow Jesus in loving one another as he loves us and that love will be our gospel to share with the community at large.
I am happy to be back. Back here at All Saints and back to that place where faith, hope and love abide. I look forward to seeing you this Pentecost Sunday and in the weeks and months to come as we find renewal together.
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16:21:31
